Special needs kitty

A couple months before my health tanked, we had a feral cat walk down our driveway and night time and allowed us to see her. It took a month for us to be able to pet her, she would appear and run away when we tried to get close. Over the course of the summer we built enough trust that she started interacting with us more and more.

When I first started experiencing panic attacks, Sophie would climb on my ankles and lay on me. Any other time, it took great effort to pet her. But she seemed to know when I needed help, and she was there for me. As time progressed, we became much closer, and she moved up from my ankles to sleeping on or near my arm or on top of me when I struggled. Now when things go mentally south, she is the first being I look forward to help me. She is always around in times of need, she is my special needs cat who I love greatly.

The magic of strangers helping strangers

There was a time that I spent in a psychiatric hospital before my doctors had determined what was going on with my health. It was a time of uncertainty and nervousness not knowing why my mind was so unstable. I had to give up my long standing habits of drinking wine or having an edible, cold turkey. I was not sleeping and there was a couple of months where I could not determine the difference of sanity and insanity as my body was sending it strongest signs for help.

After my initiation, I had to join a group of strangers for group therapy. 6-8 very different people sitting together and sharing some of their most intimate thoughts, experiences and tragedies.  As one person spoke, the others would listen and try and help based on their experiences. Keep in mind, these were patients helping patients, not doctors or therapists, just people. It was an incredible feeling to have random strangers do their best to help other random strangers, humanity at it best.

I still think of the group that I worked with. How much I was able to empathize with them, share my soul and feel better as a result. When I left, the process had a profound effect on me. It soften me up to all forms of life. When I would see someone in need, I would think of them as one more member of the group in need. It made me a kinder person, a better version of myself, which I am very grateful for.

Invisible crutch

I think one of the hardest things about coping with mental health issues is all of the people that you know who do not have it and therefore have a very difficult time understanding it. I was one of those people. My first wife struggled with depression. I remember telling her all of my cures for something that I knew nothing about. I would say comments like, "you are sad because you are not taking care of your health with proper diet, and not exercising enough." Or "just snap out of it, why are you always so sad?" It was the invisible crutch that I was not seeing or trying to see. When you physically hurt yourself, mostly it is visible and get some empathy. But when you can not see the ailment, it can be dismissed, or worse.

In my case, the comments I get the most are "quit obsessing all the time and you will get better." It is like hearing, get rid of your anxiety and you will get better. Well that is a useless statement and reflects the lack of understanding about mental health issues - like it is a choice to hurt yourself - repeatedly.

Anytime I meet anyone with mental health issues, it is like an unsaid bond, I can relate. I can sympathize, I have an idea what you are going through. I see the crutch, I speak the language, I get it.